First crit submission and first week of reading

I spent the first week of the new year revisiting Ariadne's Labyrinth, my NaNoWriMo novel. Revising the first couple chapters after two months was a very different experience than writing them in the first place. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite the experience I had hoped. While I was writing, I thought it had a lot of promise. No matter which way you look at it, it's probably the best thing I've written. But, while revisiting it, I noticed it had a lot more problems than I originally thought. Part of it is that the parts I really like are in the middle, and part of it is that I've misrepresented to myself how promising it is.

The plot has some promise. They spend too much time getting locked up, kidnapped, and stuff like that. I need more inventive things to go wrong. The novel is still a little cooler than I wanted, emotionally. The conflicts are too physical, and too constant. One of my beta readers said the whole thing read like everything was going wrong. To a point, this was intended: I was following the Jim Butcher school of narrative conflict. However, they're all the same sorts of conflict. More varied conflict might give some relief on one axis while pressuring the other, making the novel feel more believable and less "everything's going wrong."

The ending is weak. More accurately, the ending isn't earned by the novel. I had the ending in mind since I started, but some of the key conflicts that were supposed to be resolved weren't brought into enough light to make it worth it. Because they weren't set up, the ending feels like a bit of a cop out for me.

I also had some weaknesses in characterization and physical description. I didn't paint a good picture of my characters. My narrator was pretty consistent, but my secondary characters weren't. Christy started out really bubbly and fun, but she mellowed out later. This wouldn't be a problem if it was gradual/intentional, but it was kinda abrupt. I had chosen some descriptors for Ariadne but not my other characters, and because Ariadne was the narrator, and because of the mode the story was being told through, there wasn't a good way to include some of them. Maybe it doesn't matter, but something worth thinking about.

The mode fo the storytelling didn't come through as clear as I wanted either. The whole thing is written as part of a diary series that Ariadne, the MC, is writing to her (dead) mother. THere are some small hints of it, but it's not clear and sometimes I don't like how it comes out ont he page. It's always kind of awkward to address the reader, even if the reader is dressed up in another character.

I'm sure there's more things I can improve on, but these are just hte ones I've noticed recently. Now, onto my reading analysis.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Almost everyone I know has heard of the book by now. The re-mastering of Jane Austin's famous work with the addition of the zombie hordes. Now I haven't read the original, but I'm fairly familiar with the story through various movies (see: Bride and Prejudice, Pride and Prejudice (2005 w/ Kiera Knightly, and Lost in Austin), but the pacing in a movie is always very different than in the book. I could see the skeleton of Austin's plot beneath the zombies and I remember thinking that I hadn't realized how slowly the whole thing moved. The zombies spiced up the interaction, but I kept wanting the romance to shoot forward. In a way though, this was more honest and more believable than many storybook romances. Some of the new additions also made me laugh out loud during the reading. Calling the Zombies "Unmentionables" was a chuckle about every time. And then there were several "ball" jokes, and the description of trousers clinging to a man's "most English parts". A bit childish, to be sure, but every once in a while the timing would be impeccable and I would laugh. It almost makes me want to read the original.


Counterfeit Magic
This is the latest novella in the Otherworld series, by Kelley Armstrong. I love her witches, possibly because I'm a magic whore. This novella is about a Supernatural Fight club, being investigated by Paige and her ward Savannah. Apparently Savannah's been growing up fast, it's such a difference seeing her in her early 20's instead of when she first shows up on the scene. This novella suffered from the same problem I had with Waking the Witch, which is also a Svannah-centric story: The ending feels like it's not over. Waking hte Witch was specificially supposed to be a cliffhanger, but I'm not sure this one was supposed to be. The main conflict was dealt with, but some of the other things weren't tied up. While I love the plot, I feel like this isn't my favorite work of hers.


Patriot Witch
This was a premeditated random choice. I know that sounds weird, but bear with me. I don't know how I stumbled across it, and if it wasn't about Witches, I probably would have left it on the shelf. The first in a series by C. C. Finlay, it's a historical fantasy, based around witches in the Revolutionary war. I'm not much of a history buff. I think the opening conflict was one of the first shots fired in the war, which helps draw the MC into the conflict a little more thoroughly. The conflict at the farm was pretty interesting, but I was getting lost by the time they left and started operating in the greater War setting. The ending was a bit confusing, though it might be because I was rushing it a bit.


The Unusual Suspects
Book 2 of the Sister's Grimm, by Michael Buckley. This one has the kids finally going to school, only to find out everything's going wrong. We also find out more about who has kidnapped the kids' parents, which is seeding the next book. How they'll drag out the conflict over the next five books, I don't know. But it's a nice read, for what it is.